To Mary Jane

I do not know how you’d feel about me being on you and talking to you about us in public. But I know you would understand, just like all times.

To say that I have had the pleasure of your company for the better part of my 20s would be neither precise nor just. And considering you already know how emotionally malleable I can be on occasions, I can comfortably say something as insipidly romantic as ‘our companionship has been one for the ages, my love’.

I wish I could start by talking about our very first acquaintance. But you know I’m easily embarrassed by that. To think I met you after being hammered dead by none other than the old Duke of McDowells on a helpless night in my third year hostel! In my defense, it wasn’t even a fair introduction. That other guy who knew you didn’t even tell me your name! And in that dress you looked like a partially annoyed Lady Nicotine. Yeah, right - what did I know? I was already a lost cause for that night. It was only once I woke up after losing half of the following day, did the guy tell me that it was actually you the previous night. My bad. But bless that guy- I was convinced I wanted to know more about you.

It was the other sophomore who gave me a proper introduction with you. Together, we created our own social circle, the fabric of which was stitched together by hemp. I must say it was pretty unique. Actually, for some reason it always has been. But back in those days, our gatherings used to be few and planned based on occasions. (Yeah I know – to think there was a time I needed an occasion to be with you!) This occasional rarity used to make them joint sessions very special. It is not by mere chance that those first encounters of ours are the most memorable of all.

Your influence was some sweet sorcery Señorita. How you would ease yourself into our surroundings has always been your most magical quality. It didn’t take long for us to realize it was only one among many of your super powers - like how effortlessly you could make everything better. Our shared sense of humor was probably what first got me interested. Remember how almost anything could make us laugh out loud? LOL it still does.

And boy could you talk! Conversations with you have been everything from naively delightful to surprisingly profound, from heart breakingly true to mind numbingly dark. Your company would make me feel like a poet, a scientist, a philosopher and a mathematician- all at once. The hopeless romantic in me would say ‘you make me want to be at all times how I am when I am with you’. But I’ve never really let him talk much, have I?

And then time moved on. Our company changed. From being one among many boys in a hostel for engineering students in North India, I graduated to become one among many boys in a hostel for management students in West India. Now I know you’ve had your complains about my hopelessly reductive life choices. But hey, I’ve always managed to convince the lunatic in my head to prioritize the continuity of our company over fleeting human motivations. Poor excuse – I know. My bad again. For a change, allow me to change the mood for you mademoiselle.

It was in the company of 2 fellow indulgers in the 9^th floor of a supremely windy and quiet hostel balcony that I realized that all my experiences till date had only been with the light side of your force, figuratively speaking. Until then, I had only heard wild tales of the dark side of this force. But this time, I was determined and prepared not to screw up. This time, we met like two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year.

Over the next year and a half, we started meeting virtually every day. It was in this time that the ludicrous uninitiated apprentice in me mastered the dark art of rolling Js. If the ‘age of the #’ just gone by was an era of ignorant restraint, the 18 months of green-leafy delight to follow was the fucking renaissance. We started going out on long trips, almost every time I wanted to. And just when I thought I’d caught up to all your charms, I was swayed yet again by the powerfully persuasive cocktail of you and music. It was seduction for the ears and they wouldn’t get enough. From Steven Wilson to Shamoon Ismail and Bonobo to Glass Animals, I have only you to thank for humanizing us savages by bringing some culture to our group.

Our circle expanded till it became a family – the joint family. It was amusing- the number of people who wanted to get to know you. We must have sat with at least 20 first-time enthusiasts over as many months. Most of them would turn out to be lifelong devotees but it was our chemistry that exploded by the day. Cheesy - I know - just like the countless pizzas we’ve devoured. Which reminds me- food continues to be just another prop for you to work your mystical magic. From making maid-cooked food far less sufferable, to making the richest tiramisus even more luscious than Scarlett Johansson in a red dress, I have only you to thank Mary Jane. And the Lord knows I ain’t lying.

By this time, we had been spending so much time together, I knew I had to take our relationship to the next level. Swearing by the bong in our possession, we moved in together and you introduced me to facets of yours I could never imagine, despite having known you for almost 3 years. Neatly encapsulated within the clamor and chaos of a world that is never enough for anyone, ours was an alternate reality full of carefree happiness and curious content. It is this uncomplicated existence that a-man has always admired the most about you and which continues to be the bedrock of our companionship.

As it is always with you – time flew by and life made a slave out of the part of me that has always refused to rebel against the choices us humans are made to feel are our own. But the distractions of the blue pill soon wore off and I relapsed back into the red pill as soon as I could. Time forged a reunion and the paths of the two sophomores intertwined once again. From that first joint to the four hundred and twenty first, unforgiving life had somehow come a poetic full circle. It was amusing - how you had preserved in both of us the parts that still recognized each other despite the whirlwinds of two years of youthful realizations fueled by our respective exploits outside the Matrix.

The universe continues to wear us all, recycling tiny bits of its incomprehensibly mighty self through our existence- silently mocking at our apish endeavors. I often wonder where you and I are headed. Whether all this is just one of countless acts of an eternal drama from the theatre of the absurd or just a wild experience that will eventually be a memory of a time that I tried so hard and got so far but in the end it doesn't even matter… I don’t know. I don’t think that is something I’m meant to know. I am too poorly made to answer my own questions. But sitting by another windy window on a Friday evening, I like to grapple with them, if I have you by my side. You met me at a very strange time in my life MJ.

So where was I…