Of News and Everything...

To be honest I dont care much about what's happening around the world. It’s just when the daily copy of TOI kept at our hostel reading area starts flashing the same faces and similar news for quite a few days in a row, that I tend to unleash the reader in me. It happened recently. It seemed like the world’s most powerful federation was getting ready to carry out the most tedious exercise in a parliamentary democracy- voting. The entire globe seemed interested. For once in a long while, even the likes of Arvind Kejriwal and his expose were pushed to the trivial 3^rd and 4^th pages. After all it’s not every day that you elect the most powerful person in the world. 

It was US Presidential elections. And guess what Obama won, Cheers!

But should we be cheerful?

Ya... Why shouldn't we. After all he's a Nobel peace prize winner. That puts him in the same league with greats like Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, Aung Saan Su Kyi, Martin Luther King Jr etc.

Well what a joke!
Nobel peace prize!
I mean seriously is it 'PEACE' prize?
What can you expect from an institution whose founder invented dynamite!

Going by the winners of recent years, nothing can be a bigger piece of crap than this. And more shockingly yesterday I read somewhere that Britons are now pushing their government to nominate 'Malala' for Nobel peace prize. Going by how Liu Xiaobo won it in 2010,  I bet even she can do the same. So in short, all you have to do is, voice your views in favor of some 'Western notion' of world peace, largely built around American propaganda, on an international dais, get yourself hurt, end up in some jail and in time if you've got enough patience and power remaining, you'll end up in Oslo receiving a million dollars or so and live the remainder of your life spending them.

So here comes a million dollar advice from me- Just Storm into the Ecuadorian embassy in Britain, kill Wikileaks founder Julian Assange and I bet you'll be conferred the Nobel 'peace' prize. The entire western world is on a hunt for him like greyhounds. His only crime was to show us 'what's actually happening behind the curtains'.

Another classic example is of the European Union. The economies of various EU nations are crumbling, unemployment is at its peak and several countries are facing a burgeoning financial deficit. Many EU states were actively engaged just last year in the most disgusting and flagrant breach of international law, the most heinous act of terrorism, the most despicable support for murderers, rapists, arsonists and torturers in the war in Libya. And yet they receive a Nobel peace prize in 2012... Cheers Again!

Talking of Obama again- No doubt he's a better alternative to Mitt Romney. But the fact is like every American President he is a puppet in the hands of the powerful Jewish lobby and multi-billion dollar American investmnet banks and defence companies. He supported war in two nations and is reponsible for killing thousands of innocent people. The financial crisis of 2008 occurred right under his nose. And yet he hasn't learnt his lessons. He's continuing with the same economic policies, with a large shadow of Wall street bankers still looming over his head. The criminals of financial crisis are holding vital portfolios in his administration. But still he's an 'honourable person' and a winner of nobel peace prize!

Back here in India, our growth rate has dropped to it's lowest since 2003. They say its alarming. I'd respectfully like to disagree. I think that with all those jerk-heads heading this government along with its voluminous scams, this growth rate is still commendable. Speaking of scams, our very own ultra corrupt government with a super duper 'honest' and 'puppet' Prime Minister is now planning to cut off hands of the CAG. After all, our honest Prime Minister has learnt some lessons after the CAG expose of Commonwealth, 2G and Coal scams. The combine net worth of these scams is about 4,00,000 crore rupees. That's more than the total GDP of many African countries. So we can easily conclude that there are Billionaires sitting in our government with all their money stacked in the cold and secret vaults of Foreign Banks, particularly the Swiss. I advice Forbes to revise their list of Billionaires next time, with our politicians and bureaucrats sitting on top of the table.

In the end on a higher note 'Guns and Roses' is visiting India, but its only Axl Rose from the classic line up. We all know how 'Delhites' screwed up last year at the Metallica concert. Yet I've booked a ticket with 'Sweet Child of Mine' in midst of this 'November Rain' to finally move on to 'Paradise City' in a 'Nighttrain'  and with Axl Rose singing, I'll be 'Knocking on Heaven's Door'. I hope 'I Don't Cry' like last year at Metallica's after all THIS IS INDIA and we are in midst of an internal 'Civil War'.

The Girl - I

He casually wipes the moisture of his palms on his worn out jeans, slips his hands into its side pockets and wonders-'what now'. Considering several subjects that rush through his mind, and running a quick mental conversation rehearsal, he gulps down his throat and rolls his tongue over his dry lips. Then adjusting the specs on his nose, he collects himself all over again.

"8 am lectures are a huge pain in the ass", he manages, glancing at her spotless red top as he shoots it.

A couple of pending assignments along with below average grades in the last quarterly had been bothering him of late. But that makes little difference to him at the moment. For just this while, he doesn't quite care. Its a warm summer evening and walking along the quiet street circumscribing the university auditorium, he can now see two shadows getting longer on the road. This is the time he had been longing for- she's with him, part that counts anyway.

Its been some time now. For him, she is 'the girl'. She so very easily dominates the rest of her species and eclipses all of those who exist on this part of the earth. Its not that he's all nuts for her, or that he hasn't come across girls who 'make boys weak in the knees'. But he can sense a different recipe this time, one he's failed to comprehend thus far. He'd have a hard time admitting that the feeling is akin to 'love' for her. Past experiences have somehow made him develop a peculiar disregard for sentiments, especially this one.

"Yes, and Prof Verma makes it worse. An hour of catching up on lost sleep", she chuckled, carefully tucking the silky strand of hair that played on her soft face, behind her ears.

Today had been a different script, in some ways. Whether it was the movie till late last night, the 4 hours of head banging at back to back lectures today, the rejuvenating chai at TIC OR the spotless top, the meticulously groomed hair or this slow walk back together, he still can't understand why he feels- for lack of the perfect word- 'elated'.

"You guys always occupy the last rows, have fun and we have to take all the shit everyday from the front seats", she complained in a frequency so sweet he thought she had a musical larynx. 'What fun?', he wondered. The only reason he preferred sitting back was because proximity to her during lectures made him very uneasy, diluting every hard built 'concentration'. And then of course to have the liberty of doting at her without the fear of being caught, as a consolation, when the Professors started speaking and writing Latin.

"So, you going home?", she asked. 3 days off and an intermittent Sunday were making an extended weekend, he recalled. What is it with holidays and people rushing home, he thought, I could do with once in a semester. It was the ambiance talking. Her presence, perhaps. Life, and this place, had just started looking merrier.

"Na. I like it here in the hostel. I get bored at home, so not before Diwali break. You?", he inquired, trying to sound casual. Even before she could reply, he'd mentally prepared the itinerary for the following weekend corresponding to both the possible responses.

"Yeah, the day after. Dun's amazing... this time of the year and this place sucks, especially after 7 pm, you know... And moreover, i miss home", she replied, visibly ecstatic. He found it hard not looking at her lips when she was happy. Although her eyes were equally pretty. He checked the time- 6:46- perfectly on time at her hostel entrance. 

"Lectures tomorrow right. 8?", she threw as she drifted to the gates. "Alas...", he contributed to the parting words. "Cya...", she said and smiled. She turned and her hair followed her, dancing on her back. "Bye...", he managed as she glided past ear shot. The guard at the gate heard him. He thought he saw the tired old man's forehead churn.

It took some time until his 'elation' subsided. She was all over his mind. 'Perhaps you should have gone for the mobile no', he pondered but probably that mesmerizing smile had made him helpless. 'That would've been a bit of probing', he laid an antithesis. Now, he could feel his legs weary and back stiff- the long day. Its a mile and a half to the hostel. "Rickshaa...", he yelled, without another thought, beckoning to one wandering nearby. He involuntarily popped out his cell- '2 missed calls', '3 new messages'. He pushed it back into his pocket.

'Dun's amazing, this time of the year', he revised. 'I could go meet my uncle there', he spoke to himself as he hopped on and spread himself on the vehicle.

"Patel...", he shouted, instructing the man on the paddle, but more so himself, thinking more clearly now, as the rickety 3 wheeler rode into the twilight.

The Girl - II

Inside Facebook

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“Please bhaiyya, mujhe bhi chahiye…” urged my little cousin, as I sat before my computer, connected to the Internet. The site that flashed on the monitor was a simple and sober one, like a child’s imagination, like a pretty drawing on a blue canvass- It’s inarguably one of WWW’s most popular web page. He’d seen me sitting before it- clicking, scrolling, typing, browsing, but basically idling, which is what’d caught his attention. He’d seen pictures, places, words, names, faces… smiling faces.

My brother’s 10 and he says he wants a Facebook ID. It did not take me any time to convince him he must have a Yahoo ID to do this, and you must be 18 to do that! (Pays when you are way smarter than somebody else.)

That is just a miniscule exhibition of the revolution the world’s most popular social network has wrought in cyberspace. It’s been months since I saw the wonderful film “The Social Network” and weeks since I read the amazing book “The Accidental Billionaires” but neither has quite left me yet.“We lived on farms, we lived in cities and now we live on the internet”.What is more mesmerizing than the effect of this freakishly addictive ‘Blue Booze’ on the common man is the tale of its inception and growth.

As a prolific programmer, a Harvard undergraduate with a 1600 in his SAT, the curly, hoody, geeky freshman with his flip-flops and a typical self defeating awkwardness, Mark Zuckerberg, 19, had already achieved a lot to be proud of. But somehow all of this just didn’t sum up to a conclusion of his lifetime achievements. It was very soon then, that he decided to take up his next big project, which would soon transform into the BIGGEST venture of his lifetime. One he himself didn’t anticipate would someday manifest itself as one of the biggest fortunes in the history of Silicon Valley and script his name in golden letters in the annals of corporate history as the World’s youngest self-made Billionaire ever at 26!

Facebook is an excellent example of ‘innovation’ and ‘entrepreneurship’, which are the 2 big lessons for us here.

First, speaking of talent, it’s simply mindboggling to see how a bashful young lad in his 20s coming from nowhere, within 6 years, starting from his college dorm room, establishes a billion dollar evaluation. He was smart (Pays more when you are way smarter than everybody else!) A boy who didn’t care about ‘money’ or a ‘successful career’ but was simply driven by the zeal to do something different and innovative, but more importantly- FUN. He sticks to this dictum till date, as we see the Facebook home page, simple and elegant, no flashy ads or anything- “It’s free and always will be”, making money to build services and not the other way round.

Second, talking of entrepreneurship, successful ventures have always been founded by pairs of entrepreneurs who shared a common vision for success. It had happened at Microsoft with Bill Gates and Paul Allen, at Apple with Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak, at Google with Larry Page and Sergey Brin, at Yahoo with Jerry Yang and David Fillo. But with Facebook, when it came to innovation, it was always a lone individual. The way he transformed Facebook from a virtual image of a happening college life to a complete social experience were everybody- perhaps from amazed 10 year olds to the retired aged- fit perfectly, is terrific.

But can we even start to imagine something like this here in India, a place where profound emphasis is always on salaries and an esteemed career? Where only professions like engineering, doctorate and civil services are considered respectable, sometimes even acceptable? In this never ending rat race, any room for innovation, initiative and interests is methodically killed- at homes, at schools and finally at colleges. The desire to do something different is deemed as heresy and lunacy.

Entrepreneurs in India, save a handful, are barely icons. They all represent a class of individuals who have made it big on the corporate scale by learning to establish precise contacts and grease the right palms- competing on bribing and not innovation. They adopt unscrupulous ways, rely on ugly backdoor government-businessman nexus and resort to anti-social activities to make money. The 2G and ‘Coalgate’ (whoever named it that way!) scams are testimonies to this. In the midst of this bravado, can India ever produce a Mark Zuckerberg who can create a company worth billions without adopting unfair means?

The beautiful success story of Facebook is a lesson that we should not promote money and power but talent and character. With the right environment conducive to ideas, talent and thinking, India can be a much better place to live in. With all that said and done, it doesn’t seem hard to picture (perhaps) another successful maverick, an unkempt sophomore smitten by an ‘Erica Albright’, relaxing on an arm chair in a lavish board room in his office, reading these words on a card aloud to himself with the smallest hint of a grin sprawling across his face-

“I’m CEO-Bitch.”

Oye Hoye its FRIDAY!

We should have written this a long time back. “Laziness, thou art a heartless bitch!”

I am not an ardent cinema enthusiast and certainly not a movie fanatic. In fact, in none of the myriad parallel universes seething in the vast ocean of cosmic hyperspace am I even mildly obsessed with the chronicles of the celluloid. Having said that, I’d like to take a stand here this day. Courtesy, the excruciating long vacations, I’ve spent an unbelievable part of my time before LCDs, delving into the tinsel world on the other side of the screen and these escapades have rendered me aghast this summer.  

It amazes me to see the kind of cinema we celebrate today.

The movies, they are a bizarre concoction of senseless story-lines, predictable scripts, pathetic screenplay, puerile dialogs and absurd performances, thriving primarily on scintillating romance, lewd comedy, hideous action or lately even erotic (read erratic) thrillers. Flourishing in utopian settings and depicting implausible scenarios, these films, save a few, are barely a reflection of the society- 120+ unbearable minutes of undue drama and frenzy.

TV serials and soaps, I realized, go still more miles in serving the viewers the most unrealistic settings where apparently anything happens to anybody anytime. Precariously laid on similar story-lines of a shrewd woman who looks ravishing in her typical wicked smile (aka the ‘Vamp’) tormenting an innocent woman who looks beautiful in tears (aka the ‘Lead’), these serials are pathetic attempts of uselessly dragging a long lost story line on and on. The creators (assuming they are) do this incessantly either by deliberately developing some ‘setting’ between the leads (who always live in filthy rich homes and bungalows and are all “businessmen”) based on some current Bollywood chartbuster or by their classical ‘frame repeating’ or ‘frame dragging’ sequences of ‘Nahi… Nahi… Nahi…’ or ‘Slap… Slap… Slap…’ as the audience (the woman folk) watches, gripped and dumb struck all the while. The newly budding reality TV is another blatant slap on the face of reality, prospering on revelations and sensationalism. 

Today, there remains very little scope on the big and small screen for capturing the common man’s plight, the realistic struggles, social encounters and emotional turmoil he encounters in the real world every day. In fact most of our so called successful movies, TV and reality series are exhibits of sheer plagiarism, hopelessly derivative and unoriginal- clumsy remakes of old flicks, horrible adaptations of their English or American counterparts, utter misinterpretations of classics, unnecessary sequels to past hits and glorification of some hitherto unknown literature. There is no creativity employed in the cinematography. Just films and serials made for the sake of making, with popular faces roped in (even ‘item numbers’ incorporated) to raise box-office revenues or TRPs. The perplexed viewer is left browsing the idiot box, surfing through channels for something worthwhile and truly entertaining.

It’s not that the scene is absolutely hopeless. There are people doing justice to cinema in their own ways but their count is very low. Yes, given that we resort to the virtual world to relax and ease our senses and shed logic and reason for a while to escape from the real world, but at the end of a weary day, person only wishes to see something comforting with the entire family and this event, sadly, today is statistically unlikely to occur. 

It’s the way we spend our time that makes us who we are. We have had works in the past that we are proud of and which are a standing testimony to our enormous abilities. Today we ought to start being and believing in ourselves, feel proud of our identity, look inward and around for a billion beautiful story-lines unveiling themselves every moment in our great nation. All we need is an eye for observation and an elegant way of storytelling to capture these wonderful experiences on the reel- ‘Lights… Camera… Action…’

Guwahati Molestation Case: Have we lost our Ethics?

"A teenage girl who was returning home after a party at a city bar was pulled by her hair, lifted up, thrown down, beaten up, thrashed, molested, groped, slapped and stripped in full public view for 30 minutes on Monday night at a busy road near the Christian Basti area in Guwahati by a mob of around 20 men."

These are the opening lines of a report of the incident on the CNN IBN website. The verbs used in them surprise, stun, annoy, perplex, irritate and exasperate me more than any other part of speech. This is just one of countless such appalling incidents that have become an undesirable appendage to our (so called) modern society- such heinous instances of breach of morality, display of profanity, insult of humanity and exhibition of insanity.

"The girl had gone to celebrate a friend's birthday... There (at the bar) they had a fight and the management asked them to leave as they were creating a ruckus over there... they came out and some hooligans (20 of them) saw her and tried to take advantage of her..."

What is disturbing is the fact that this incident, this carnage, happened in full public view. As a matter of fact there exists 30 minute footage of the crime that has gone viral over the internet, in the absence of which this could perhaps have drifted into oblivion just like many others. It nauseates me to think of such scum bags who suppose that merely being physically superior to the opposite sex gives them the right to subject them to despoliation. The fact that being blessed with a pair of glands qualifies them to regard women as commodities. It sickens me to even write of them.

But what is further astounding is the fact that there existed not a single person (read 'viewer') who could step-up and object. There was nobody man enough to call the police, let alone take her side and retaliate. Such is the indifference, such is the passivity we have imbued in ourselves. 'If it doesn't affect us, who cares?' No one wants to be a decent man in an (supposedly) indecent time. We have become amazingly adept at turning a blind eye to things that do not concern us but which we very well know, ought not to flourish.

It is this 'chalta hai yaar' attitude that's making us who we are becoming every passing moment- a self concerned, self obsessed, self centered 'narcissist'. From our petty 'settings' with the local Electrical Officer who we bribe to switch our electric meter or our bigger 'negotiations' with the Income Tax Officers who help us skip our dues, we easily become 'used to' discrepancies and start discovering ways to benefit from them. Needless to mention 'kya karen bhai, SYSTEM hi kharab hai' is the speeding ticket cum excuse that is always at our disposal.

"While the Assam Police have identified twelve men, it has only managed to arrest four so far."

Then...
There's the system, so we mock at it.

There's the police, so we bribe it.

There's the law, so we bend it.

We love such 'challenges' for we know the judiciary is a mess and there's always a babu, a neta or a bada admi who has infected the higher levels and who by his mean nepotism will ensure that the countless jails erected out of the tax payer’s money never get to harbor a convict behind the bars. The deaf needs a bang to hear, it’s said and we do wake up from our slumber, search and light our candles, create fancy posters, shout enthusing slogans and march into the streets behind an 'Anna', only to drift into sleep soon enough. Of course we won't be surprised if all the 20 manage to flee, make a few headlines, churn a few blogs and are forgotten (in fact 'forgiven')

We hear of this every day, read of this often, talk about this seldom, but 'do something about this' never. The media is never an asset, only a spectator and at best a rouser. We watch stuff like 'Crime Petrol', 'Dastak', 'Wardat' etc but that's only before we go to bed.

Change is what we always miss.

"You see, their morals, their code, it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be...”

... said 'The Joker' referring to the ‘stupid innocent common man’ and perhaps he was right. But we must remember that in this 'real world' both the lurking ‘Devil’ and ‘The Dark Knight’ reside only within us.

It’s the choices we make that make us who we are...

R.I.P Rustam-e-Hind

Classification of 'The HUMAN SPIRIT'

Having ‘studied’ the girls, we thought (on some public demand!), to do the same with the boys! But then we did not want to reveal the best kept male secrets, so we decided to do this- a classification of Homo sapiens in general! And this time we have tried to keep ourselves a touch formal!

So ever considered how many ‘kinds’ of people were really around you? Ever wondered what kind YOU are? Here's the answer!

(Note: The parts in “italics” are excerpts from various songs by EMINEM)

1. The Followers- The first of the kind, the most commonplace and the most numerous of them all, are what we call ‘The Followers’. These are people who learn by learning to ‘follow’ and over time, get acclimatized to the world around them. They are good observers and get to know some ‘working principle’ of their world and learn to thrive in it. They possess a very calculative, observing and manipulative, though certainly not a creative mind. They keep a wisely chosen circle of friends, who may or may not be of their ‘type’. They keep good company. However their ‘learning’ is not ‘exclusive’. They lack insight and do what they are told, advised or instructed. They don’t ‘experiment’ with life and live within their rules and order, rarely broken or violated. Hence, their life-style is a function of the world around them. People who are ‘Followers’, tend to remain so, for a lifetime.

“I just want to be just like you

Blend in with the rest of the room

Maybe just point me to the closest restroom

Unfortunately I am, but I just hide behind the tears of a clown”

“I just wanted to fit in, at every single place I go.

Sometimes I feel like a robot, sometimes I just know not

What I'm doin I just blow."

2. The Passives- The second and the less abundant are ‘The Passives’. These are people weak at both learning and framing their rules. These are folks who haven’t yet figured out a way to be in the world; hence they tend to stumble around. These people are generally content to be a face in the crowd. They have few friends, all of their ‘type’- little hopes, passions, ambitions or dreams. They drag along a seemingly cheerless existence. They take time to settle into groups and tend to stay alone or with guys just like them. They are those who’d live amongst you and yet remain anonymous. Arbitrary, low on IQ, no specific talents, and tend to defy the ‘every child is special’ tagline. Perhaps, the only +ve thing with them is, (unlike the ‘Followers’), they may, in their lifetime transform into ‘Rebels’ or ‘Explorers’, due to some ‘shot in their arm’- a real strong motivation or life experience.

“His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy

There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti

He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready to drop bombs,

But he keeps on forgetting what he wrote down,

The whole crowd goes so loud,

He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out

He's choking how, everybody's joking now

The clock's run out, time's up over, bloah!”

3. The Explorers- These are perhaps the most interesting of the lot. ‘The Explorers’ are those who always wish to take things one step further. At the outset they tend to look like the person next door. But beautifully conceived within their seemingly ordinary human form is a very playful mind. These are people who radiate energy and cheerfulness, who possess an aura of their own, those who have really wide social circles. They are friends with everybody. They face absolutely no difficulty in settling into new environments. They are the eye-candies on social gatherings, parties and events, adventure seekers who love to push the limits and experiment with life a lot. They’ve peculiar tastes and hobbies. Blessed with an average mind, they’ve no set rules and principles but always meander along life. They’ll seldom be found alone. In fact, they’ll be caught in the most happening of places, often created by them. They are excellent talkers, blessed with a great sense of humor and people love their company. In short, they believe-‘while we live, lets LIVE!’

“Ain't no way I'ma let you stop me from causing mayhem

When I say I'ma do something I do it,

I don't give a damn what you think,

I'm doing this for me, so fuck the world

Feed it beans, it's gassed up, if it thinks it's stopping me

I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly”

“So I better lose myself in the music, the moment

I own it; I better never let it go”

“I'm Superman with the wind at his back

I guess I don't know my own strength”

4. The Rebels- These are the ‘revolutionaries’. ‘The Rebels’ are extremely rare. They are very different from their contemporaries. As such, they seem unusual, peculiar and strange but they are extremely gifted and highly talented ‘super-humans’. These are people born either too ahead or far behind their age for they don’t seem to ‘belong’ to their world. Hence, they keep challenging the accepted and acknowledged norms, ways and traditions of the society. Always pressing for a ‘move ahead’, a change they feel is essential, but which may not necessarily be a positive one. They mock at rules, bend them and make their own. They experiment with life but not recklessly as ‘Explorers’ or just for the sake of it, but for a well defined purpose. They are masters of their trades. Experts at professions. They love solitude, introspect, imagine and create. They are on 7 out of 8 occasions born as Rebels. But very seldom someone does transform into one because of a very strong ‘kick’-a motivation. Had it not been for them, human progress would have been decelerated by bounds. Genius as they are, they must control their instincts, for they do possess a tendency to evolve, from assets, into a liability to the society.

“Nobody knows me I'm cold, Walk down this road all alone

It's no one's fault but my own, it’s the path I've chosen to go”

“There's no limit on how far I would go, No boundaries, no lengths.”

"And I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid), to take a stand (to take a stand)

Everybody (everybody), Come take my hand (come take my hand)”

“A lot of people think... That I worship the devil…
That I do all types of... Retarded shit

Look, I can't change the way I think. And I can't change the way I am

But if I offended you? Good. Cause I still don't give a fuck”

5. The Unpredictables- Having classified 95% of the population; we found we’d still left out a small fraction. A class of people who do not hail from any of the above ‘categories’, or perhaps fall into more than one of them in course of their lifetime. These are the ‘Unpredictables’, folks who cannot be grouped, for they are way too erratic. Almost split personalities- changing ways, habits, desires and form. They are both ordinary and special, simple and complicated, intellectuals and morons, magnetic and hideous, content and dissatisfied. An enigmatic mixture of opposites. Too good to be accessed, we say, too bad to be understood, worse to be rated and classified!

“Lately I've been hard to reach; I've been too long on my own

Are you calling me? Are you trying to get through?

Are you reaching out for me?

Fell down and I got right back up”

“But you'd have to walk a thousand miles

In my shoes, just to see, What it's like, to be me

I'll be you, let's trade shoes, Just to see what it'd be like to

Feel your pain, you feel mine, Go inside each other's minds

Just to see what we find”

And to sum up, here’s what we found pitch perfect for the entire youth population.

Cheers!

“Stay strong to the rest of the world, God gave you the shoes

That fit you, so put 'em on and wear 'em

And be yourself, man, be proud of who you are

Even if it sounds corny,

Don't ever let no one tell you, you ain't BEAUTIFUL…”

“You can do anything you set your mind to, man”

Classification of 'The FEMALE SPIRIT'

We have always studied in co-ed schools. From nursery to class 12^th, it has been girls all around us. Now in college too, thanks to 33% girl’s quota, we have an appreciable feminine contingent which is very uncommon (or conducive we may say) for a government engineering college. So after all these years of experience (and fun) we have finally decided to decipher these female species, said to be original residents of Venus.

To be honest it’s an uphill task and no one can 'categorize' them. The reason is simple- you just “CAN’T FIGURE THEM OUT”, and just when you think you have finally understood them; you’ll meet a new very different kind. But still, based on our experiences and accounts from our numerous friends of both the sexes, we have tried our bit to categorize them.

So just before we start, we want to remind all of you that many wars have been fought and lost (remember ‘Troy’) because of women. Many bright young guys have ruined their careers because of them. But still we-men want them (bloody testosterone!). No matter what, we can’t scratch them off our mind and instead thank God for making such wonderful mysterious creatures. We believe they can all be classified on the basis of their behaviour, nature, social skills and (let's say) 'MQ' (which we will not dwell upon here!)

(The parts in “italics” , are excerpts from the song ‘Dangerous’ by Michael Jackson)

1. The Cosmopolitans- The first of the kind, these are the most pretty and sizzling of the lot.  ‘The Cosmopolitan’ is the one who is distinguished in the crowd by virtue of the appeal she makes to the sensory route of vision. She has a habit of getting boys' attention ever since she was born. And most importantly she loves it and flaunts it in front of other girls. May be, there’s a special place in hell reserved for her, as all the guys who fell for her and got rejected have used all possible swear words, against her. She’s a heart breaking machine. She is very particular of (and obsessed with) what she buys, wears, eats etc-brand conscious. She is snobbish; the kind who would sometimes buy her clothes from factory outlets, cheap stores just to show off that she wears branded clothes. Even if she gets involved in a relationship, she won’t get emotional in it. Her main aim would be to suck all the money out of the boy’s pocket and make him, her source of all monetary demands. Rich and famous guys generally are the ones who become her bunnies.

                                           

"I never knew but I was walking the line,

come go with me, I said I have no time...."
"The lips of a strange woman drop as a honeycomb,

and her mouth was smoother than oil..."

"Take away my money, throw away my time,
you can call me honey,

but you're no damn good for me..."

 2. The Attractions- She’s pretty, a little less on physical attributes that make her second to the ‘Cosmopolitans’ and hence she’s jealous of them. She is style conscious but unlike the ‘Cosmopolitans’, she’s a bit more sensible and sober, both in her thinking and presentation. Befriending her is not child’s play but certainly a lot easier. No matter if you are a college hunk or some filthy rich guy driving a costly sedan, she will never say yes to you until she gets to know you properly. This is the major difference between her and the Cosmopolitans. A very special characteristic of her is even if a guy who she has a crush upon, proposes her, she’ll initially say no. But few days after the proposal the answer miraculously turns to 'Yes'. So, she tends to ‘hang’ proposals of friendships (and relationships) before answering in the affirmative, even though, deep down, she feels she shouldn't. These kinds of girls are perfect for guys who want a blend of beauty and a bit of emotions. But mind you, no matter what, she’ll trouble you after she gets committed. And you’ll always have a sense of insecurity in your relationship. The reason being she’s both emotional and pretty, due to which she has many close friends of the opposite sex. And you guys know this fact quite well that no one really, is a friend of a pretty girl. We are all waiting for our opportunities. So her close friends (boys) can make you a little uncomfortable in your relationship.

“As she stalked the room,

I could feel the aura of her presence,

Every head turned feeling passion and lust.

This girl was persuasive, the girl I could not trust…”

“…You’re no damn lover, friend of mine…”

3. The Heartbreaker- The ‘Heartbreaker’, is most dangerous of them all. She’s pretty or has at least above average looks. She ‘appears’ to be calm, serene, sober and simple, making a lot of pulses soar. Boys fall for them badly and start loving these girls. You start with being 'just friends', and you patiently wait for the right moment. But just when you are about to convey your feelings, she’ll call you and say that she already has a boyfriend or that she loves some other guy and the funny part is she’ll ask you what she should do! Your whole world turns upside down, but still you are her friend waiting for your slightest chance. But wait; after few months you realize that she’s not as simple and sober as you'd thought. And you were a big fool to fall in love with her. So after all those wasted months, even your friendship ends, because you stop messaging or calling, and she never bothers either. In fact at that particular time you realize that throughout your friendship, she herself had never initiated a conversation with you and even now she does not care to re-establish contact, whereas long after, you are still hoping for some day and some way to break the ice. You were like any other normal friend to her but unfortunately for you, she was the world.

“She came at me in sections with the eyes of desire,

I felt trapped into her web of sin.

A touch, a kiss. A whisper of love.

I was at the point of no return.

Deep in the darkness of passion’s insanity.
I felt taken by lust’s stretching humanity.
The girl was persuasive, this girl I could not trust,

The girl was bad, the girl was Dangerous…”

4. The Lovables- Well, these are the girls which generally boys want to marry. They are not good for making Girlfriends, but they are perfect wives. They are the perfect definition of an ideal lady and a true realisation of womanhood. ‘The Lovables’, perhaps the rarest of the lot, are best companions- as daughters, sisters, friends, and lovers. They possess very average looks but very strong virtues- innocence, sincerity and devotion. (Remember 'Kalpana' of 'Ghajini' and 'Jamie' of 'A Walk to Remember'). Boys fall for them, all for their simplicity and genuine soberness. They are kind, helpful and in some cases shy too. The most interesting thing about these girls is you won’t fall for them in the first glance. Instead, when you gradually start knowing her, your likeness for her will turn into serious love (just as it is shown in 'A Walk to Remember'). The biggest problem with these girls is they are reluctant to say 'yes'. And she’ll cite family and personal reasons for that. At the prime stage of your friendship she’ll chat with you, she’ll message you and sometimes will give you very clear indications that she likes you too, but still when it is about getting in a relationship, she’ll say a flat No! But all in all, these girls are very rare to find. If you do find such a girl and involve yourself in a relationship, and your aim was to look for a genuine love, then consider yourself one of the luckiest guy. For fun frolic guys these girls are a strict 'No'. You’ll get really bored with them.

“The way she came into the place,

I knew right then and there,

There was something different about this girl.

The way she moved-

Her hair, her face, her lines: divinity in motion…”

5. The Sporties- These are the most vibrant of the lot. ‘The Sporties’, as the name vaguely suggests, enjoy life more than anybody else who has ever fallen on the earth. Frequent mood swings are a part of her life. She is amazingly talkative, expressive and chirpy. She possesses abnormally high energy levels and seems impressively bubbly and peppy. Guys enjoy talking and being with them. She creates a very large social circle around her with equal representation from either gender. However, she has a very meticulous and manipulative mind that knows how to use people (especially boys) for her benefit. She knows whom to acquaint, which ones to befriend and how many to ‘tame’. She’s not emotional at all and loves to remain single but that doesn’t mean that these type of girls don’t get committed. (It all depends on your skills!). Her looks may range from average to attractive. But no matter how her looks are, you’ll still want to talk to her because she’s all fun. These girls are tough to get, but still somehow even if you get committed with such a girl you might later regret because she is really hard to handle. But despite all her flaws, some boys still fall for her. The reason may be that somewhere in your subconscious you believe that this girl will bring that fun element in your life which might be lacking until then. For guys who are already funny and extrovert enough, a possible reason is that they think, if committed with such a girl, together they can  create a resonating (fun) effect on their lives.

“I cannot sleep alone tonight,

My baby left me here tonight.

I cannot cope till its sunrise,

You and your manipulations,

You’ve turned my baby…”

“Her inner spirits sharp as a two-edged sword,

But I loved it cause it’s dangerous….”

PS: As we said earlier, it is impossible to categorize girls, but we guess we have covered 50% of the whole lot. Anything interesting or any of your experiences you want to share; your valuable comments are invited.

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In the beginning…

The idea of this blog, as I recall, I conceived in a particularly crazy post-midnight discussion sessions between us in our college hostel, days before our semester finals. It was supposed to be an ‘initiative’ on our part. A vocation I thought I could indulge ourselves in, during our summer gap. So back home, I’d been wondering as to what will our opening article be all about. I knew I needed something that would fetch us attention. After some contemplation, I zeroed in on this. Sure this will seem abominating and freaky on the outset but after some reflection and debate I thought I needed, at least, something like this (if not better) to get peoples’ minds off the inflation, recession and corruption shit that’s making news every day (and of course-as an ulterior motive-to catch more eye-balls!).

The Prologue

Greetings Viewers!

Feel proud to be the readers of the opening season of this bold, bizarre and perhaps apocryphal (well, you shall decide) vortex of thoughts. A gleaming cauldron of sub-consciously conceived, indolently formulated, playfully composed, friskily edited and wantonly posted views meant for your kind perusal.

It’s the ultimate digitization of the coherence of virtually any and every idea that gushes through the cerebrum of 2 extra-ordinarily ordinary Homo sapiens thriving on an intriguing part of the blue planet. 2 people who believe every strange spark of electricity that charges their nerve cells is worth sharing on the internet.

Well, sincerely speaking, this is an avenue conceptualized and established by us to interact with friends, people and acquaintances on things, instances and subjects often inadvertently neglected, carelessly missed or never given a passing thought, but worth pondering on in the least.

Allow us then, in lieu of the more commonplace understanding, to establish that anything and everything that 100 million neurons can sanely or insanely conceive shall here be shared, discussed, valued and respected and that everything shall be ingested and assimilated with open mindedness (and a suitable sense of humor.)

But most importantly, the authors of the blog (assuming we are!) shall appreciate the readers to air their views on the discussed subject via comments.

Hoping and striving to give you moments of happy reading.

Cheers!

Aman Sharma and Prithvi Bisht

“The Unkempt Sophomores”