Classification of 'The FEMALE SPIRIT'

We have always studied in co-ed schools. From nursery to class 12^th, it has been girls all around us. Now in college too, thanks to 33% girl’s quota, we have an appreciable feminine contingent which is very uncommon (or conducive we may say) for a government engineering college. So after all these years of experience (and fun) we have finally decided to decipher these female species, said to be original residents of Venus.

To be honest it’s an uphill task and no one can 'categorize' them. The reason is simple- you just “CAN’T FIGURE THEM OUT”, and just when you think you have finally understood them; you’ll meet a new very different kind. But still, based on our experiences and accounts from our numerous friends of both the sexes, we have tried our bit to categorize them.

So just before we start, we want to remind all of you that many wars have been fought and lost (remember ‘Troy’) because of women. Many bright young guys have ruined their careers because of them. But still we-men want them (bloody testosterone!). No matter what, we can’t scratch them off our mind and instead thank God for making such wonderful mysterious creatures. We believe they can all be classified on the basis of their behaviour, nature, social skills and (let's say) 'MQ' (which we will not dwell upon here!)

(The parts in “italics” , are excerpts from the song ‘Dangerous’ by Michael Jackson)

1. The Cosmopolitans- The first of the kind, these are the most pretty and sizzling of the lot.  ‘The Cosmopolitan’ is the one who is distinguished in the crowd by virtue of the appeal she makes to the sensory route of vision. She has a habit of getting boys' attention ever since she was born. And most importantly she loves it and flaunts it in front of other girls. May be, there’s a special place in hell reserved for her, as all the guys who fell for her and got rejected have used all possible swear words, against her. She’s a heart breaking machine. She is very particular of (and obsessed with) what she buys, wears, eats etc-brand conscious. She is snobbish; the kind who would sometimes buy her clothes from factory outlets, cheap stores just to show off that she wears branded clothes. Even if she gets involved in a relationship, she won’t get emotional in it. Her main aim would be to suck all the money out of the boy’s pocket and make him, her source of all monetary demands. Rich and famous guys generally are the ones who become her bunnies.

                                           

"I never knew but I was walking the line,

come go with me, I said I have no time...."
"The lips of a strange woman drop as a honeycomb,

and her mouth was smoother than oil..."

"Take away my money, throw away my time,
you can call me honey,

but you're no damn good for me..."

 2. The Attractions- She’s pretty, a little less on physical attributes that make her second to the ‘Cosmopolitans’ and hence she’s jealous of them. She is style conscious but unlike the ‘Cosmopolitans’, she’s a bit more sensible and sober, both in her thinking and presentation. Befriending her is not child’s play but certainly a lot easier. No matter if you are a college hunk or some filthy rich guy driving a costly sedan, she will never say yes to you until she gets to know you properly. This is the major difference between her and the Cosmopolitans. A very special characteristic of her is even if a guy who she has a crush upon, proposes her, she’ll initially say no. But few days after the proposal the answer miraculously turns to 'Yes'. So, she tends to ‘hang’ proposals of friendships (and relationships) before answering in the affirmative, even though, deep down, she feels she shouldn't. These kinds of girls are perfect for guys who want a blend of beauty and a bit of emotions. But mind you, no matter what, she’ll trouble you after she gets committed. And you’ll always have a sense of insecurity in your relationship. The reason being she’s both emotional and pretty, due to which she has many close friends of the opposite sex. And you guys know this fact quite well that no one really, is a friend of a pretty girl. We are all waiting for our opportunities. So her close friends (boys) can make you a little uncomfortable in your relationship.

“As she stalked the room,

I could feel the aura of her presence,

Every head turned feeling passion and lust.

This girl was persuasive, the girl I could not trust…”

“…You’re no damn lover, friend of mine…”

3. The Heartbreaker- The ‘Heartbreaker’, is most dangerous of them all. She’s pretty or has at least above average looks. She ‘appears’ to be calm, serene, sober and simple, making a lot of pulses soar. Boys fall for them badly and start loving these girls. You start with being 'just friends', and you patiently wait for the right moment. But just when you are about to convey your feelings, she’ll call you and say that she already has a boyfriend or that she loves some other guy and the funny part is she’ll ask you what she should do! Your whole world turns upside down, but still you are her friend waiting for your slightest chance. But wait; after few months you realize that she’s not as simple and sober as you'd thought. And you were a big fool to fall in love with her. So after all those wasted months, even your friendship ends, because you stop messaging or calling, and she never bothers either. In fact at that particular time you realize that throughout your friendship, she herself had never initiated a conversation with you and even now she does not care to re-establish contact, whereas long after, you are still hoping for some day and some way to break the ice. You were like any other normal friend to her but unfortunately for you, she was the world.

“She came at me in sections with the eyes of desire,

I felt trapped into her web of sin.

A touch, a kiss. A whisper of love.

I was at the point of no return.

Deep in the darkness of passion’s insanity.
I felt taken by lust’s stretching humanity.
The girl was persuasive, this girl I could not trust,

The girl was bad, the girl was Dangerous…”

4. The Lovables- Well, these are the girls which generally boys want to marry. They are not good for making Girlfriends, but they are perfect wives. They are the perfect definition of an ideal lady and a true realisation of womanhood. ‘The Lovables’, perhaps the rarest of the lot, are best companions- as daughters, sisters, friends, and lovers. They possess very average looks but very strong virtues- innocence, sincerity and devotion. (Remember 'Kalpana' of 'Ghajini' and 'Jamie' of 'A Walk to Remember'). Boys fall for them, all for their simplicity and genuine soberness. They are kind, helpful and in some cases shy too. The most interesting thing about these girls is you won’t fall for them in the first glance. Instead, when you gradually start knowing her, your likeness for her will turn into serious love (just as it is shown in 'A Walk to Remember'). The biggest problem with these girls is they are reluctant to say 'yes'. And she’ll cite family and personal reasons for that. At the prime stage of your friendship she’ll chat with you, she’ll message you and sometimes will give you very clear indications that she likes you too, but still when it is about getting in a relationship, she’ll say a flat No! But all in all, these girls are very rare to find. If you do find such a girl and involve yourself in a relationship, and your aim was to look for a genuine love, then consider yourself one of the luckiest guy. For fun frolic guys these girls are a strict 'No'. You’ll get really bored with them.

“The way she came into the place,

I knew right then and there,

There was something different about this girl.

The way she moved-

Her hair, her face, her lines: divinity in motion…”

5. The Sporties- These are the most vibrant of the lot. ‘The Sporties’, as the name vaguely suggests, enjoy life more than anybody else who has ever fallen on the earth. Frequent mood swings are a part of her life. She is amazingly talkative, expressive and chirpy. She possesses abnormally high energy levels and seems impressively bubbly and peppy. Guys enjoy talking and being with them. She creates a very large social circle around her with equal representation from either gender. However, she has a very meticulous and manipulative mind that knows how to use people (especially boys) for her benefit. She knows whom to acquaint, which ones to befriend and how many to ‘tame’. She’s not emotional at all and loves to remain single but that doesn’t mean that these type of girls don’t get committed. (It all depends on your skills!). Her looks may range from average to attractive. But no matter how her looks are, you’ll still want to talk to her because she’s all fun. These girls are tough to get, but still somehow even if you get committed with such a girl you might later regret because she is really hard to handle. But despite all her flaws, some boys still fall for her. The reason may be that somewhere in your subconscious you believe that this girl will bring that fun element in your life which might be lacking until then. For guys who are already funny and extrovert enough, a possible reason is that they think, if committed with such a girl, together they can  create a resonating (fun) effect on their lives.

“I cannot sleep alone tonight,

My baby left me here tonight.

I cannot cope till its sunrise,

You and your manipulations,

You’ve turned my baby…”

“Her inner spirits sharp as a two-edged sword,

But I loved it cause it’s dangerous….”

PS: As we said earlier, it is impossible to categorize girls, but we guess we have covered 50% of the whole lot. Anything interesting or any of your experiences you want to share; your valuable comments are invited.

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